Friday, December 31, 2010

Last day of 2010

So 2010 hasnt been the best year for me.  The love of my life, the person I believed I would marry and be with forever, broke up with me.  We get along now, and who knows, maybe one day in the future, we will be together again, but I feel like there are a few things I need to work out within myself before I can make it to that point again.

With that, my first love came into my life, messed things up, and just left like it was no big deal.  I hate him, and this is the lst day I will even dwell on that.  I'll think about it tonight, and let it go, forever...

And a guy I have been dating for 2 monthes broke up with me 2 nights ago.  He is so cool, it hurt so bad.  But we are going to stay friends.  In all reality, as much as I cared about him and everything, being friends is the best for us.

This year coming up, I'm going to focus on two people, and two people only.  First, my son.  He pretty much isnt where he needs to be in life, possibly autistic.  And I am learning to live with that.  He is over emotional at times.  But I dont think I would want him to be "normal" if I got the chance to change it.  He is absolutly perfect the way he is.  I love you more than anything in the world Blake!!

The second person:  Me.  I spend so much time doing everything for everyone else.  I never really do anything for me.  I hurt, a lot.  This year, I am doing me.  I need to be back to the person I was.  I have lost myself, learned a lot along the way, but now, I just want to be me again.  And this year, I will work on that.

I am finally realizing I deserve to be happy.  And I am going to try and be happy.  I'm going to try to move out this year, and get my liscence.  Really, just be absolutly independant.  Thats what I want.  I want me and Blake to be happy, something that cant truly happen living here.


I hope everyone has a safe new years eve.  Heres to leaving the past mistakes behind.

Lacy

Thursday, December 30, 2010

This is me...

"In a world that urges you to fit in sometimes you have to stand out"
I first read this quote about Freshman year of highschool, and it spoke to me.  I was always weird.  ALWAYS.  And its not like I try to be, I just am.  But this quote pretty much applies to my life.  I don't want to fit in with everyone else.  The sad thing is, everyone is trying to fit in with me.  I have always been the girl that wears boys clothes, lots of black, the hot topic lover.  I was uncool before uncool was cool.  Seriously.  Now, I kind of cringe when I see people that are dressed like me.  Mostly becasue a lot of the time, I know theyre doing it to "be a rebel".  I don't like what Hot Topic has become.  I am 22 years old, and was shopping at Hot Topic back at 14, when it was the store it ment to be.  Now, nothing in that store is about the music, and that disgusts me.

I have always been a writter.  I have had a diary since I was 12.  The past two years have been rough and I find myself writting less and less.  My goal is to write more.  I hope people follow me, relate to me, talk to me.  I'd love to make new friends.  I would love to change a life.

I have read a few blogs on here that have inspired me to do this.  I want to update this daily, no matter what it is.  A thought on something my son did.  A question, a picture, a song lyric.  Anything.  I just want to write.

Ask me anything, really.  I will answer just about anything. 

If your reading this I have a shop on etsy.  http://www.xpeppyandbellex.etsy.com/
I have another blog, also.  http://www.xpeppyandbellex.blogspot.com/

Talk to me.  I am one of the nicest people, I promise.